It's Selfish To Wonder Who Will Cry When You're Dead

I have no where to be
So I stay in bed
Inside
Under the blankets
Staring at the wall
Wondering what it is
That makes me not want to leave
And not want to get up
And hope I will sink into the mattress
And disappear
Into another reality
Where things are better than the last 5 years
Because 5 years of crying myself to sleep
For reasons I don't even know,
For trying to remember the moment
Things changed,
For wondering
Wishing
It would just
Go
Away
Clearly isn't working out for me.

It's selfish to wonder who will cry when you are dead
Or feel sorry for yourself
But you have those thoughts anyways.
At least you can admit those are real.